This chapter was only written in half in 2015 when I stopped publishing on my first blog. The second part of it was written when I came back to writing it in 2022…

What does it mean? In two weeks, you’ll know how this story ends! And do you know what comes after that…? I’ll tell you at the end!

Now it’s chapter time!

***

4^th February 2015

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while since Alice’s funeral. Joe still doesn’t know anything, and it’s better for me this way… I told him she’s gone; she’d run away, she’s not coming back. She didn’t love him at all. And he broke down… In addition, it will be the anniversary of their first meeting soon…

How satisfied am I with all of this? I’m ME who comforts him now. That’s ME who he has now. Nobody else…

In fact, one thing scares me a bit… Since her death, I’ve been dreaming the same dream each night… She’s standing in a dark meadow. Fog around. She’s in a white dress, long dark blond hair down, and she has a little child in her arms. Somehow her hair’s not black at all as I last saw her. It’s her old natural colour… Her face is full of sadness and contempt at the same time. And those words from her mouth… “You will never know peace”. Every night I have the same dream… Well…

I have a plan… Once our brunet cools down, I will do everything to make him mine again. And now nothing will stop me… Hehe! Well, unless this phantom decides so… No… I’m just kidding… She wanted me to be with him again in the end! However, I didn’t want her to die either! I did everything I could to save her… That’s just how it all turned out…

Let’s turn back in time now…

*

I was sitting in a taxi on my way home. I looked out the window and I was thinking about what I saw and heard just a few minutes earlier.

“Why is Samantha moving out? Why did she hide it from me? Why?! She always told me everything, and now…?” – such thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of my phone. It was a sign that I got a new message. From my sister. Wow… What a timing…

“I need to talk to you about something important tonight. Prepare yourself mentally!”

I rolled my eyes, and I answered her: “Okay, I’ll get ready.” “So, I’m probably hearing the answers to my questions today. Hmm, I wonder what she’ll want to say to me…” – I thought.

In the end, the car stopped in front of the house. I looked at the building and slowly breathed out. I paid the driver, got out, and headed home. I opened the gate and stepped onto the gravel path that led to the front door. There was a garden around the building. I love nature. I got that from my mom. I mean, it’s good that she thought about the garden when she was still a young girl, newly married and stuff…

Suddenly I heard as if…  A meowing cat? I looked around the garden and my attention was caught by a small white kitten with an orange patch on its head. He was sitting under a pine tree, and his blue eyes were looking at me (I found out later that it’s a little boy). I walked over to the tree and bent down. “Hmm, maybe I’ll take him home and feed him?” – I began to wonder. The poor thing looked exhausted and hungry…

I reached out and took the kitten in my hands. He didn’t resist… Strange things…

I headed toward the front door. I deftly took the keys out of my bag with one hand and opened the door. I was holding a kitten in other hand. He was looking around curiously.

After getting inside, I headed to the kitchen. I put the toddler on the ground and took two bowls out of the hanging kitchen cupboard. I placed one on the counter top and filled the other one with fresh milk straight from the fridge. It would be weird if I had fresh milk straight from the cow… Then I moved the vessel to the ground, and he didn’t even need to be encouraged to taste the liquid.

“Hmm… What can I feed him?” – I was wondering for a moment. I finally decided to go to the pantry. “Maybe I can find something good for my guest there?” – I thought.

According to my thoughts, I went to the pantry. I started looking around the entire room. Suddenly, my attention was caught by a small bag placed under the shelf with food. I bent down and got shocked. It was a cat food… “What is it doing in here? We don’t have a cat… Magic? Ah, crazy family…” – I thought.

I took the package and went back to the kitchen. The cat was politely drinking milk. In the meantime, I took a knife and cut the foil in which the food was. I efficiently poured a small amount of food into the second bowl and placed it next to the first. I guess the kitten was happy because he started wagging his tail, which I thought was a little weird. “It’s not a dog! Maybe he was raised with wolves?!” – I began to wonder.

When the mission was completed, I decided to sit at the table and watch the animal eat. This little cutie was so polite that it was just shocking! I smiled.

*

My peace of mind didn’t last long. After about fifteen minutes, I heard the roar of an engine in the driveway. I looked out the window and saw my parents and Sam getting out of the car. “What happens next will be interesting. I can feel it” – I thought.

Not even a minute passed, and the newcomers were already within the walls of the house. I greeted each of them in the living room. All of them were suspiciously smiling…

Suddenly, my dad let me know that he wanted me to go to the kitchen with me, so we went there. He wanted to drink some water and have a conversation with me by the way, but he forgot about it completely… Because he noticed a cat. The little man ate the entire contents of both bowls and started rubbing against his legs and purring. My parent was incredibly surprised to have a pet in the house. I could easily read it from his face…

– Dear Laura… Can you kindly tell me… What is this?! – he pointed to the kitty.

– It’s a cat, dad – I said, trying not to burst out laughing.

– I know, daughter, I know, but what is THIS doing at our house? – he asked, but this time using a slightly desperate tone of voice.

I briefly told him about finding a kitten under the tree. Then he took him in his arms and began to slowly stroke his head. My dad and the cat liked it. It wasn’t hard to notice.

– But you know we can’t keep him, right? Your mom is allergic to cats, you know… – he said after a moment.

Right in this moment, the person we were talking about entered the kitchen. Immediately, just like on cue, she sneezed three times in a row…

– I’ll handle this. You don’t have to worry about it – I said hastily.

I took the cat in my arms and left the house. I decided to go to Sindy. “She likes cats, and we can look after him together when I get back from Chicago” – I thought. It’s where I was going to shoot a new film a few days later. The conversation with Sam could wait a little.

*

An hour later, I was back home, and I went to my room. Sam said she would come talk to me soon. She told me right after I got home.

I was lying on the bed. I was staring at the ceiling. “Am I about to find out why my sister is moving out? But is she really moving out? Or was it just a dream…?” – I was wondering.

Suddenly, Samantha knocked on the door of my room and entered a moment later. She was smiling from ear to ear. In the bright glow from the window, her green, flowered dress matched her glossy black hair perfectly. She looked lovely. Yep… Differently from usual…

She gracefully crossed the room slowly and sat on the corner of my bed. She looked at me meaningfully. I sat next to her and nodded my head to let her know she could start speaking.

– So… As you probably know, I had a lot of tests at the hospital. Now I know what was one of the reasons for my fainting some time ago.

– What? We already know about your illness… – I asked curiously and slightly worried.

She took one deep breath and then confessed:

– I’m pregnant.

My eyes got big as saucers. It must’ve been a dream…

– What…? How…? Who is the father?

– Mike. We’re getting married this spring – she was saying it very calmly. Too calmly. But happily…

The news overwhelmed me. All I could do was stare at her. I didn’t know what to think. My mind was just blank.

– Can you pinch me? – I gave her my hand. She made a surprised face and a moment later fulfilled my request.

It wasn’t a dream…

– Okay, sister… But you’re not eighteen yet!

– What does it mean after the fact? There’s nothing illegal about it… Anyway, I don’t want my baby to be born and not have a family… That’s why we want to get married as soon as Mike comes back from the tour. My belly won’t be seen yet, so I agreed. It’s a perfect plan.

– Ah… So, he knows? – I asked.

– Of course. If he hadn’t known, he wouldn’t have proposed so suddenly… But I also know that we love each other very much and there’s no point in waiting. I’m about to finish school and lead an adult life then. I will have a lot of time for painting… It will be a good time to fill my days with love and devote my life to passion… There is no reason to wait. Life is too short to wait…

When my sister was telling me about life and the future like that, I was becoming increasingly calm. She was absolutely right…

– Ok… Can you show me your future place? – I asked. I forgot she hadn’t told me about this yet…

– What? How do you know about it…? Have parents told you anything? I wanted to do it… – she replied dissatisfied.

“Well, I’m caught up” – I thought. I couldn’t say that I was spying!

– You know… They mentioned something and I figured it out alone… Don’t blame them, please – I said, and after a while I changed the uncomfortable subject. – So, will you take me there?

Samantha seemed to be satisfied with such an explanation, so I could feel relieved. I didn’t have to explain anything!

– Of course. Do you wanna go there now?

I agreed and we decided to inform our parents immediately. All four of us went there. The house that Samantha and Mike were planning to buy is in Beverly Hills. It’s a beautiful villa that is not too big, but spacious enough for a young family. There is also a charming garden and a swimming pool with a jacuzzi. The house was still empty right then, but I saw a furnished and decorated version of it in the spring when I got home.

How could Mike propose if Silver Trills were on tour then, and the boy couldn’t know about it on the day they left? That’s when Samantha ended up in the hospital… And how could the house have been chosen by both of them…? Such doubts appeared in my mind while visiting the property. I decided to ask my sister about both these urgent issues. We moved aside in the garden and I asked:

– Sam, how is it possible that Mike knows about the baby and proposed when you found out after he had already gone to Europe?

– What do you mean by saying how, my silly sis? We have the Internet now. We don’t live in the Middle Ages anymore!

– Are you trying to tell me that he proposed via text?! – my jaw dropped all the way to the gates of hell when I realized that you can not only break up over the Internet now, but even propose! I still can’t imagine it…

– What’s wrong with that? His declaration is enough for me, and he promised that he would do it properly when we meet again… Laura, don’t make eyes like that or they will fall out… – she added after a moment, seeing my face.

– Okay, okay… What about the house? How could he choose it with you…?

– It’s simple. I sent him pictures, and he replied that he really liked it here.

All I could do was shake my head in silence…

I decided to end the conversation here. I learned everything that I wanted to know. I took my sister’s hand, and we walked back inside the house, where our parents were admiring the kitchen, the only place almost ready for cooking. We walked around the building for a while, admiring every empty nook and cranny, and decided to return to our current family home.

*

After returning, I decided to start packing. I was going to fly to Chicago the next day! And on the 10^th, filming began, but it’s also a time of mourning in Poland. Joe said that he met her again that day… I mean Alice…

I decided to take two large suitcases with me. I thought that was enough for me to actually move out to another city. Clothes, a lot of clothes, but I also packed pyjamas, towels, and cosmetics there. I took my laptop and e-book reader with my handbag. I decided that it was more practical while traveling than taking ten brick books… I didn’t know if I would actually have that much time to read anyway… So, the e-book reader is the best solution in such cases.

I decided to call Jack after finishing packing. I wanted to ask if he knew who would play the third most important character. I don’t know what happened that I wanted to know so suddenly…

– Hey Jack. Let me ask you a question that is bothering me right now. Do you know who will play the third role in our movie…? After all, you knew that I’m playing there too, just like you, so…

– Hello, Laura. How nice to hear your voice again.

I rolled my eyes and asked again:

– Do you know or not?

– Why are you so hot-headed today? Relax. Breathe three times. Go for a walk to the park. See that we have a beautiful day today and…

I don’t know why, I just decided to hang up. He didn’t know or didn’t want to tell me… I was nervous about moving out, upset about Joe, and I got some shocking news from my sister… It was too much. Such a calming down only got on my nerves…

However, I didn’t sit in silence for long because I got two messages at the same time. Minute by minute. What a strange coincidence it was! The first was, of course, from Jack:

“It’s not nice to just hang up, Laura. You won’t get a bouquet from me tomorrow as a punishment.”

I must admit it was intriguing to me. I didn’t expect it at all… And the second one was from Joe:

“Did you give my number to Alice?! She wrote to me! She sent me such a long message that looks quite like a letter! Thanks, thanks, thanks! I love you normally!”

I felt so tragically frustrated about it that I went out of me and stood next to my body. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have fallen in love with her, jerk! You wouldn’t have chosen her but me!” Of course, I didn’t answer him that way. I just thought it and really decided to go out. I was so unhappy that I went to the hairdresser and… I dyed my hair to Alice’s colour. Yep, I am no longer blonde since then, more brunette or dark blonde if you prefer such a word, and you can see me this way even today. Also, in the movie, I have a new haircut as well. People probably think that I decided to change my image because of the new movie. But the truth is… It was Joe & Alice’s fault…

I returned home later. It was evening. I got ready for bed and fell asleep. I already felt drained of emotion by the time I fell asleep… I didn’t feel anything. I wasn’t thinking about anything. All I knew was that I was starting a new life the next day.

*

This is how the fairy tale ended, which lasted until we left for Chicago. A new chapter of my life. That’s what the next entry will be about. About life in the new city.

You’re probably wondering, diary, what happened to Samantha and Mike… The secret wedding took place in April before Alice’s birthday. Secret because no one knew about it until now. I mean the entire world. Only we – insiders – know… I forgot to mention it earlier! I was busy with the movie then. I went home for the weekend for the wedding, and I was supposed to go back to Chicago straight for the film set… That’s why, among other things, I said I don’t have time to write!

When it comes to the baby… Our little bubble was born in November last year. Boy. A little cute boy.

Yep, my sister seems to be happier now and she doesn’t wear black clothes anymore… She has changed since she met Mike… How blind I was not to notice her transformation… I must have been too busy around me and Joe… Who would have thought! After all, I didn’t like him at first… Okay, never mind…

When it comes to the kitty… Yep, Sindy still keeps him at home! And he grew up into a handsome man… I always remember that February day when I visit her and the cat immediately runs to greet me… So, he remembers it well too!

P.S. “You must keep going. You can’t turn back time… Or maybe… You can…?”

I think that’s all I can say at this point… Yep, this time it’s my own reflection. I have to live on and not hope for a miracle that something would suddenly take me back to the beginning and let me fix everything… Only a few get a second chance because stars have decided to line up in the same row, just like a few years ago, and turn back in time in the present life… It’s a real miracle and extreme luck if something like this happens to someone… When something happens twice… It’s a sign that it just had to be like that!

***

I told you that I’d tell you what happens next at the end… And I’ll tell you now, yes!

So, my book ends with the annex, which is made of songs that were only mentioned in the novel, but here I decided to publish all song lyrics in the order of ‘Silver Trills’ record. You’ll get two posts because it’s made of 2 parts! I asked, and you answered, so here you are…

Okay, so now I can recommend checking out the novel-inspired collection!

Laura’s Diary – My Awesome Life Collection

That’s all today, but tomorrow we’ll have an important day! If you’ve been here for the last 5 years, then you probably already know what it means… 😉

Love, A.A.