After a little Easter break, you finally get another chapter of my story! We’re almost in the middle of the book! Are you happy about it…?

***

5^th June 2014

Dear Diary,

I’m already in LA and miraculously Joe came here with us. Now I’m slowly trying to do Alice’s will. Yep, I’m trying to get him back. It doesn’t look good by now… To be honest, I will seriously do everything, so that we can be together again, even the most improbable and impossible things… I don’t think that anyone can stop this thing from happening now. I really hope so. Unless Alice changes her mind… He’s seriously ready to drop everything for her, even though he thinks she’s no longer a living soul. Why can’t he love me like this?! Ah, you little cruel life…

Let’s move to memories… I don’t want to think about the reality anymore…

*

I had that wonderful date one day earlier. From then on, me and Joe didn’t speak to each other. Yep… “But maybe tomorrow camping will fix anything in here?” – I was wondering and hoping so…

Suddenly I heard a knock on the door of my room and who appeared before my eyes? Sam!

– Hey, hey! How’s life, my dear sister?

I screamed out her name, we hugged each other in greeting, and sat on my bed.

– Okay, now tell me everything. How are you doing?

As I’ve said before… Sometimes people live under one roof and don’t talk about life like that too often… They just pass each other because they’re always in a hurry… This was the second time when I had time to talk to my little sister.

– So, we’re almost halfway through the second season and we should be done by the end of October. And all the rest is fine.

– Hmm. How things with Joe are going? Confess everything to sister Samantha. I want to know everything. Go on.

As soon as I heard his name, I stopped thinking… What should I do to make this unlucky date go away?! Huh, I guess I care too much…

My sister started waving in front of my eyes. I got off the ground for a moment, I guess. Well… It happens sometimes to people who are in love… Even eight years after the first meeting, I heard so…

– Oh yeah – I blushed. – Joe is my first kiss, we’re a couple, we went on our first date yesterday and it’s simply great. Don’t ask for more details because I don’t know anything.

I tried to say it as fast as possible so that she wouldn’t understand me too much! She wanted to know, so she got it! I wasn’t in the mood to grieve over it all…

– Wow Laura! Relax! Well… I see that the romance is going well. Congratulations, sister – she touched my shoulder.

– There’s nothing to congratulate…

I said those words with a not-so-happy face.

– What? Why? What is it? – she asked.

– Our date was awfully rigid. Every time we’re together, I get so nervous. He too…

– Oh, that’s no fun… I think you’re feeling too much pressure. Because you really like him, don’t you?

– Yes, very much. But I’m afraid that I’ll do something wrong because he’s my first boyfriend, and he’s already been through it once before…

– Ah. Such a problem… Don’t think too much about it. All that matters is how you feel about him and he about you, and nothing else.

– Ok, I’ll try. Thanks, sister – I hugged her.

Exactly right at that moment, Taylor and Sindy came into the room. Ah, I love these girls! Laura and the company!

– Will you hug me too? – the words of the brunette.

– Hey, don’t forget about me either – the blonde said.

– Come to me, both of you.

I waved my hand, and they came over and all four of us hugged. After a while, I heard Brian speaking. He came to me I don’t know when.

– Awww. How sweet.

– Brian, go to the boys, which is Joe and Mike’s place. This is a girls-only zone – Sindy intervened.

– Huh, fine.

He made a devastated face and walked away. I felt a bit sorry for him…

– How do you girls feel about going to the mall today? – Sam suggested.

We all agreed.

– Okay, let’s not waste any more time, and let’s go! The city is ours! – words of delighted Tay.

Anyway, we walked around the shops for four hours and after returning we prepared to go on a camping trip which we set off for the next day. The boys took care of themselves all day too… I don’t know what they were doing then… Sorry, diary. I know you’re curious, but I can’t help you this time.

*

The next day I was awakened by the sunrays. After about ten minutes I decided to get up. I stretched, got out of the bed, and slowly walked over to the window and opened it. I felt a breeze of fresh air and took a deep breath. I had a feeling it was going to be an exciting day…

After a while, I heard a knock, and my beloved brunet invaded my territory. It was the first time I’d seen him since that unlucky date, and to be honest, he didn’t seem to remember that day… I’m guessing it was just me remembering it badly… Well… But you’ll see soon, diary…

– Hi. Did you sleep well?

– Excellent. What brings you home to me?

– You know… We made this trip up, and I still don’t know where we’re going or what we’ll be doing. You were supposed to take care of everything.

– And I arranged everything. Don’t you worry.

I walked over to the table and handed him a piece of paper. He began to read it with an overjoyed expression on his face.

– Wow! We are going to the campsite in the forest in the middle of which is a lake! And you even listed all the attractions?! You should organize trips!

– You know it when you have the talent – I said it with pride in my voice and brushed my hair off the shoulder.

– Of course. Can I take this paper? – he laughed.

– Sure. I have five more copies.

– Okay, okay. When it comes to our date…

“Well, he remembers it” – flashed through my mind.

– Yes, I know. We should pretend it didn’t happen at all.

I didn’t let him finish. And that was a mistake…

– What? You want to forget about it? – I heard disbelief in his voice.

– Isn’t that what you meant?

I felt a little foolishly. Laura talks too much again. Yep…

– I wanted to say it wasn’t that bad, but I see you don’t think so.

I didn’t answer because I didn’t know what to say. I felt so stupid…

– You won’t even deny it?

– What for? If that’s true?

– I see. You know… I must go.

– What? No. Joe, wait!

The boy came out of my room and slammed the door. “What the hell am I doing?!” – I was mad at myself…

I fell onto my bed and started banging on my empty head. Why do I always have to ruin everything?! But well, I decided not to grieve over myself for too long and quickly packed my things and prepared to leave. Less than an hour later, I was standing outside the house, waiting for the others. Only Tay and I arrived so far. After a while, Sindy and Brian joined us. The rest, as you can see, were not in a hurry… But after ten minutes, everyone was already sitting in a small bus that I had rented earlier. “It’s adventure time!” – I thought.

The two-hour journey was made more pleasant by the nice music from the speakers and Harry and Peter’s antics. Somehow it didn’t surprise me… In the end, the bus stopped, and everyone went out to the quite large forest clearing. The smell and sounds of the forest… Something priceless! Plus, there was a lake nearby! I don’t like water and so what?!

Everyone took their bags and the bus drove away. The driver was supposed to come back for us in a week. “It’s time to build a small tent town! I need to talk to Joe and explain everything to him!” – I thought. I noticed that he was busy around his sleeping place, and I thought that a small talk under the pretence of helping might work. I approached the brunet and asked:

– Can I help you?

– You can if you want to.

He gazed at me but quickly looked away… A moment later we were wrestling with the tent frame and after a while, I decided to tell him what I was planning. “Come on, Laura!” – I tried to give myself comfort and courage.

– I wanted our date to be something special and unforgettable. And instead of being romantic, we didn’t speak to each other.

He didn’t answer, so I continued.

– Sorry. I didn’t want it to turn out like this.

– You don’t need to apologize. It was my mistake. I’ll come up with something better next time. Something that will suit you too.

– So, we’re good? – I smiled.

– Yes – he smiled back.

He dropped everything he had in his hands and hugged me. “Ah! My beloved man! Moments like this are worth living for!” – I thought. We stopped hugging and went back to building the tent.

The evening came, and a bonfire and some fun were planned… We all sat in a circle: me, Sam, Tay, Pete, Harry, Joe, Mike, Brian, and Sindy. Everyone had a tray of food in their hands, and we were chatting. Finally, after the meal, it was time for a little fun! I got up from the wooden bench and started talking:

– Now it’s time for a little fun. Each person will be asked questions and that person is expected to answer them honestly. Don’t try dodging! Who do we start with?

– Me, me, me! I want to be first! – Pete lifted his hand and began to wave it like it was burning. Then he got up, continued to wave his hand, and then he started bouncing in a place like a kangaroo. Unable to believe my eyes, I agreed. The first question was from Harry, and it went like this:

– Is it true that you cheat on me? I heard you found a new friend.

After these words, he made an offended face, and I must admit that it looked comical! The drummer started stroking his back saying:

–  It’s not true! I only have you, brother. Oh, don’t be mad at me. I’ll buy you a whole basket of jellies.

– It was moving. I believe you, brother. And I want jellies as soon as we get back to LA.

After these words, the boys hugged. Perfect moment to take a photo and put it in a heart-shaped frame, normally. Then Peter got a lot more questions, and after him was Harry, and after him was Joe’s turn. One of the questions was from Harry:

– Who would you rather spend a night with? Laura or Eve?

– Hmm… I think neither of them.

“I must be dreaming! Such a question and such an answer?!” – I started to ask myself such questions. I couldn’t take it anymore and got up.

– Excuse me?! Wouldn’t you like to do it with your girlfriend?! Do you love me at all then?! And Harry! How dare you ask such questions in public?!

“Uuu” sound echoed through our group, and I was staring furiously at Joe and Harry. In fact, I don’t know why my reaction was like this… The dark-haired boy stared at me with fear in his eyes, and Harry didn’t care about it at all…

I would have never expected something like this!

Joe suddenly jumped up from his seat. He walked over to me. His steps were quick and determined. And he knelt in front of me. He took my hands in his and began his speech, looking me straight in the eyes:

– Laura. The thing is, I think we’re too young for it. I thought you knew that physical love is not a true proof of love. That’s not the most important thing. That’s not the point.

After thinking for a while, I replied:

–  Yes, I know. But… I don’t know why I said such a stupid thing. We’ll be eighteen soon, but well… You’re right. After all, you’re the philosopher here… Always and everywhere…

Honestly? I was kinda terribly stretching my answer. It’s because of his penetrating gaze! Yep… And things like this in front of people… Disaster… I find myself blushing… Even today…

I saw a genuine smile on his face, and after a while, he stood up and said:

– I’m glad you noticed I’m not dumb as a stump… Well, I’m glad you understand me. Are we good?

– Sure.

The scene ended with us hugging. And the whole group was like “Aww”. That’s why it didn’t last too long… We completely forgot that the rest was watching us…

Joe went to his previous seat, and we continued playing with lots of laughter as before. When the game was over, everyone went to their tents. In my the biggest “roof over the head” were girls, i.e., me, Sam, Tay, and Sindy. There were also two smaller ones for boys. In one Joe, Brian, and Mike, and in the other Harry and Pete. Interesting division…

I was exhausted, so I fell asleep quickly…

*

After waking up, I realized that I hadn’t slept so well in a long time, which was strange, because you always have trouble sleeping in a new place. At least it works for me. However… “It’s time to start the day at camp no. 2! Today we will literally spend the entire day by the lake! YAY! I’ll repeat… I don’t like water and so what?!” – I was thinking in the morning.

I scrambled out of my red sleeping bag and left the tent. Good thing I slept right next to the entry! I was enjoying the views of nature and somewhere in the distance, I heard a woodpecker tapping and calls from owls.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar melody playing on the guitar, and then words joined. I started following the sound. After a while, I reached the lake and on the still damp sand from the night, I saw Joe with a guitar in his hands. The song he once started writing in front of me was finally finished. And it sounded like:

*

You’re standing in front of me

But I can’t touch your face

It’s what I’m thinking about

You’re incredibly talking to me

This sound could save the world

So sweet perfect harmony

What’s happening with me?

These awesome hazel eyes

Make me feel like I’m flying

*

Someday I will breathe again

Someday I will have control again

But it’s not today cause I still need ya

*

You look like a perfect picture

You shine so bright

But you’re still untouchable for me

Like stars in the sky

Your heart is perfectly good

You’re by my side

But you’re still untouchable for me

Like stars in the sky                 

*                                      

I should’ve closed the door, baby

And never let you come into my heart

I should’ve said goodbye, yeah

When the first time I met you but

I couldn’t even move, no

I should close my eyes

Every time I see you but

You’re too perfect to me

You’re exactly who I’ve looked for

*

Someday I will breathe again

Someday I will have control again

But it’s not today cause I still need ya

*

You look like a perfect picture

You shine so bright

But you’re still untouchable for me

Like stars in the sky

Your heart is perfectly good

You’re by my side

But you’re still untouchable for me

Like stars in the sky

*

Tell me something that is gonna change my life

Tell me something that is gonna show me

That you’re really here now with me, baby

Show me that you’re not untouchable anymore

*

You look like a perfect picture

You shine so bright

But you’re still untouchable for me

Like stars in the sky

Your heart is perfectly good

You’re by my side

But you’re still untouchable for me

Like stars in the sky

*

Someday I will breathe again

Someday I will have control again

But it’s not today cause I still need ya

*

When he finished singing, he saw that he wasn’t alone, so I stepped out of the shadow. After a short hesitation, I walked over and sat next to him.

– Who are you singing about? – I asked.

– No one. It’s just a song. I wrote it just for fun.

– Music is not a toy. Thanks to the melody and words, you can describe what’s in your heart, you can describe the truest feelings. This is sometimes the only expression available to us. Music also reflects our personality. So… Do I know her?

I looked at him and saw that he was trying to understand my words. I guess that’s something he’d say…

– It’s only you – he said, looking me straight in the eyes.

I looked at the water and laughed bitterly.

– So, it feels that bad to be with me or are you lying to me?

After all, it’s a song about a secret love, about the impossibility of being with the person you love… I really thought that he might have feelings for someone else for a second… Or he was so sick of me that he missed me when he had me literally in front of him… It made me sad when I started to think about the meaning of such lyrics, yeah…

– What? Lau… It’s just a song.

– I’ve already told you what I needed to say…

I got up and he started walking towards the tents as he was dazed and was staring at me dully. I could feel his burning look on my back… “Maybe he’s right? I’m not sure of anything anymore. Maybe I’m exaggerating and taking everything too personally…” – I was wondering. Joe finally woke up from this trance and ran after me. I felt him hugging my back. It was quite a feat with a guitar in one hand!

– Lau! Sorry! Forget about that song – he said.

I turned to him with a sly smirk on my face, as far as the guitar and his grip could allow me to do it, and I replied:

– What song?

He was so happy that he immediately held me tightly. When we stopped, he placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Wow, I love it, normally!” – I thought. He must have heard my thoughts because he smiled even sweeter…

– You don’t know how glad I am that you believe me after all. You’re the only one I care about.

– And I believe you – I kissed him again. – Can we go somewhere together today? Just you and me?

I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. It made me feel hungry… Ah, so many emotions in the morning…

– Is it a date? – he smiled.

– Yes – I said, smiling back.

– I promise this one will be better than the first – he kissed me softly again.

A girl can also invite a boy to a date. Why not? Once they dare… By the way, that’s how my plan for that day got ruined and we had to move the water fun to another day. Everyone could do what they wanted since the main organizers were only concerned about themselves… It happens sometimes…

We went back to the clearing, holding hands. Everyone was up, so we started making breakfast. After the meal, me and Joe went on a date. We just walked around admiring the beauty of nature and talking honestly about literally all possible topics. It was great. I’d dreamed of something like this. Such an ordinary walk was a hit. Because the only thing that matters is the feeling and a couple that is so in love. Nothing else… We literally were walking around like that all day.

I remember when we were sitting cuddled up by the lake. It was probably our most beautiful moment… The sun started setting… The world is so beautiful when you have beautiful people around you. Ones you love more than anything. Yep, I’m talking about a certain brunet with an extremely sweet smile and mesmerizing blue eyes. And my man’s name is Joe. Joe Hoop. I knew perfectly well that I simply love him sincerely but I couldn’t stop asking myself “Does he love me like that too? Does he also dream of spending his life with me?”. Life will show what is meant to happen. But I will never stop believing that he’s the one meant for me… I will never forget him… My thoughts were interrupted by my angel saying:

– Lau? What are you thinking about?

I blushed and replied quite shyly:

– About you.

He smiled upon hearing my words. Suddenly our eyes met, and I just started to drown in his beautiful eyes. Being in this state of bliss, I felt that I wanted to feel him, but deeply. Like I’ve never felt before. Here and now. I’ve never had such thoughts before. Strange… I felt so enchanted and it felt like a dream… After a while, I asked him, and I had absolutely no control over it:

– Are you sure you still don’t want it?

He knew what I meant and I saw the fear in his eyes… But I didn’t wait for his answer because I just kissed him. I love him so much… Our nice moment became more and more passionate, but unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. The brunet pushed me away.

– No! We can’t do this.

I could see very clearly that he was just scared. He was quite terrified. But why? “Am I so awful?” – I was wondering, and I really believed it was my fault.

I finally came to my senses and said:

– I’m sorry… I don’t know what’s got into me…

“Shame on you, Laura, shame on you!” – I wasn’t easy on myself in my mind.

– Ehmm… I think we should be going back.

– Yes. You’re absolutely right.

We got up and started walking back towards the clearing with tents. We kept a distance the whole way. As usual, I must ruin everything. Yep…

When we got there, I went to my tent. Sindy was there.

– Oh. Hey, Laura. How was your date?

– I need to see a psychiatrist.

I fell on my sleeping bag in resignation. The blonde just gave me a surprised look.

– I see… Is everything ok?

– Everything’s fine except the fact that I wanted to do… This… That… You know…

The girl’s eyes got so big that I thought they were about to pop out.

– What did you want to do?!

– I look like a pervert in his eyes now, I’m sure!

I started to cry, and my friend knelt on my sleeping bag and hugged me. “What’s going on with my hormones?!” – I was thinking in her arms. I was really embarrassed and hurt at the same time…

Finally, I felt immense fatigue in my friend’s arms. Once we stopped hugging, I crawled under my sleeping bag and fell asleep really quickly. I think Sindy just left the tent… I don’t know, diary, because I wasn’t conscious… And I slept like that until the morning…

*

The next day passed quickly. I spent the whole day reading The Mortal Instruments: City of Ashes. I just love reading this series of books! There were still a few more days until we got back to Los Angeles.

In the evening, our whole gang enjoyed grilled sausages by the fire. After the meal, we had a little fun. It was something like karaoke. I got up and gave a little speech:

– Now let’s divide into pairs and choose one song that each pair will perform. And then we’ll see in what order the performances will be.

Well, I was with Joe, and we chose Firework by Katy Perry, Sam and Mike sang Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson, Tay, Pete and Harry chose La La Land by Demi Lovato (this performance was probably the most interesting) and Sindy and Brian presented Love Story by Taylor Swift (this one was definitely a situational romanticism). We had a great time with our music. We fooled around a lot and our little tent town quickly fell asleep…

In general, this week flew by quickly… Every day we did something different. As for me and Joe, it felt like he was avoiding me… Again… That’s why we finally broke up in February this year. We simply decided it didn’t make sense… But let’s go back to the campsite, a few other couples were there too, if you recall, diary… But it doesn’t mean that everyone was stuck with their other half or the closest family or friends… There was a time for all kinds of relationships, and we were all fine with it, I think.

We returned to Los Angeles on the seventh day in the afternoon, so we only had a few more hours of our free time left. During the travel, Harry and Pete were fooling around all the way again, so nothing new. At least it was fun…

*

This is what our camping looked like. It was a fun time. And now as I recall it, it was all so normal! Yep! I’m serious! But now I’m more in the mood for… Well, I guess you know what I mean… After all, a year has passed, and we all grow up…

In the next post, I’ll tell you about my friends’ birthdays, so we’ll skip a bit in time in our story again. Yes, I will also briefly tell you about the end of the filming of our series.

P.S. “Thinking about you is like breathing. It’s something natural. It’s something you just can’t live without”.

Ah, Alice… If you get in my way now, you won’t be alright… Don’t even try to get back to Joe! You may be my friend, but I won’t share him with anyone anymore… As I said, I’ll do everything to get him back… It’s too late to take back decisions once made…

***

How do you like the new chapter? Honestly, I still remember how fun it was to write those ten years ago… And you finally get the lyrics of Untouchable! Honestly, it’s still one of my favorite songs written by me, huh…

You can read the rest of this book in a signed copy of yours! But there is also the e-book and special novel-inspired collection! Your support would mean a lot to me.

Laura’s Diary – My Awesome Life [Signed]

Laura’s Diary – My Awesome Life [E-book]

Laura’s Diary – My Awesome Life Collection

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That’s all today. See ya on Wednesday! But it won’t be about my podcast this time… You’ll find out what it will be about soon anyway… 😉

Love, A.A.